Dare Ya, Part Deax

Don't faint, but I am posting on the weekend, despite the fact that the space bar on my home computer sucks ass.

More on Ralph Nader tomorrow.

For now, let me share the latest round of polling place dares courtesy of the March issue of Vanity Fair.

1. Bring along an acoustic guitar and try to rally the gathered voters in a chorus of John Mellancamp's "Our Country."

2. Standing the legally mandated 100-foot distance from your local polling place, pass out hair-product samples and announce that they're "courtesy of John Edwards."

3. Complain that something is wrong with your ballet because Oprah's not on it.

4. When a chirpy volunteer offers you an I VOTED sticker as you exit, respond "Do I look like a fucking six-year-0ld?"

5. Construct crude cardboard effigies of Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton. Then, from inside the voting booth, enact a Punch-and-Judy-style puppet show for those behind you in line, in which the "candidates" poke through the curtains and beat each other with swizzle sticks.

6. Tell the old lady checking registrations that it's good to see her again, "because when I was here in '04 I thought for sure you'd be dead by now."

7. Take a closed container of dry ice into the voting booth, open it while inside, vote, and then emerge in a dramatic fog while loudly proclaiming, "Yeah, I voted for the witch, bitch! Mwaah-hah-hah-hah-haaah!"

8. Greet all gathered ballot holders with the phrase "God bless you" and earnestly, insistently ask them if they'll be voting for Mike Huckabee. Should anyone irritatedly ask you if you've ever had a civics lesson, explain that you were home-schooled.

9. Vote for Ron Paul.