37 Candles

I have made no bones about my long and illustrious fascination with Molly Ringwald. From her red locks to her two piercings in one ear to the grunge-era ode to her by the band Sponge, I love me some of the Brat Pack Princess. I thought the closest I would ever come to being like Ms. Ringwald would be a result of a box of Ms. Clairol and my mother not buying me a birthday present when I was 17 until I cried at the local fish restaurant and guilted her into taking me to the video store for a VHS copy of Help! starring the Fab Four (John, Paul George and Ringo, will never, I repeat NEVER let you down).

But alas, as James Bond so helpfully reminds us, Never Say Never Again. Thirty seven years and about 1 hour and 45 minutes ago on a Monday evening I entered the world, if my mother's recollection is to be trusted. Then again, she could have me confused with my brother's birth. Regardless, this birthday I was forgotten. I got calls from my brother, my mother-in-law, my step-daughter, my step-step-son, my grad school friend, and my next door neighbor. That doesn't include the countless greetings from people I barely knew in college who I am friends with on Facebook. But my mother—nothing.

So kiddies, when it comes time for your grown-ass children to hit their 37th, 57th or 87th, if you are still walking the Earth, I prey that you do not forget them. Because whether you are 16 or any age, having your mom forget your birthday SUCKS BALLS.

Poll Up My Butt

We all have one, the family member who sends us chain emails that make our blood boil. I have one that recently sent me one saying John Lennon was killed because he said the Beatles were bigger than God. 

NO ONE TALKS SMACK ABOUT THE BEATLES.

Anyway, this particular relative of mine is at it again and I am afraid the spouse may hurt him or her at the most or start an email war at the least.

The latest include an email to get us to vote in an MSNBC poll about taking "In God We Trust" off US currency. And of course urging all the "good christians" to go vote to keep the phrase.

Here's the link:

www.msnbc.msn.com/id/10103521/

I will just let you guess how I voted . . .