In Other Words, an English Major

Just another reason to love Garrison Keillor . . . the September 2009 Vanity Fair features him on their end page Proust Questionnaire. Mr. Keillor was asked—"What is the quality you most like in a woman?" He responds:

High-spiritedness, wit, a love or repartee and wordplay and allusion and jokes—in other words, an English major.

As a former English major, I say God Bless you Mr. Keillor, if only more boys I knew had held you same esteem for wit and wordplay in my impressionable teens and twenties . . .

Who's Worth More?

Paper, Scissors, Stone

by Tom Wayman


An executive's salary for working with paper
beats the wage in a metal shop operating shears
which beats what a gardener earns arranging stone.
But the pay for a surgeon's use of scissors
is larger than that of a heavy equipment driver removing stone
which in turn beats a secretary's cheque for handling paper.
And, a geologist's hours with stone
nets more than a teacher's with paper
and definitely beats someone's time in a garment factory with scissors.In addition: to manufacture paper
you need stone to extract metal to fabricate scissors
to cut the product to size.
To make scissors you must have paper to write out the specs
and a whetstone to sharpen the new edges.
Creating gravel, you require the scissor-blades of the crusher
and lots of order forms and invoices at the office.
Thus I believe there is a connection
between things
and not at all like the hierarchy of winners
of a child's game.
When a man starts insistinghe should be paid more than me
because he's more important to the task at hand,
I keep seeing how the whole process collapses
if almost any one of us is missing.
When a woman claims she deserves more money
because she went to school longer,
I remember the taxes I paid to support her education.
Should she benefit twice?
Then there's the guy who demands extra
because he has so much seniority
and understands his work so well
he has ceased to care, does as little as possible,
or refuses to master the latest techniques
the new-hires are required to know.
Even if he's helpful and somehow still curious
after his many years—
Without a machine to precisely measure
how much sweat we each provide
or a contraption hooked up to electrodes in the brain
to record the amount we think,
my getting less than him
and more than her
makes no sense to me.
Surely whatever we do at the job
for our eight hours—as long as it contributes—
has to be worth the same.
And if anyone mentions
this is a nice idea but isn't possible,
consider what we have now:
everybody dissatisfied, continually grumbling and disputing.
No, I'm afraid it's the wage system that doesn't function
except it goes on
and will
until we set to work to stop it
with paper, with scissors, and with stone.


"Paper, Scissors, Stone" by Tom Wayman from The Face of Jack Munro. © Harbour, 1986.

Courtesy of Garrison Keiller's The Writer's Almanac—Not a bad argument in this day and age when people are losing their shirts and livelihoods.

Sound Bytes

A selection of my favorite comments, quotes, meanderings from yesterday's festivities:

"The challenges we face are real," he said. "They are serious and they are many. They will not be met easily or in a short span of time. But know this, America—they will be met. On this day, we gather because we have chosen hope over fear, unity of purpose over conflict and discord."

President Obama

"A farmer considers the changing sky/ A teacher says, 'Take out your pencils, begin.'"

Elizabeth Alexander, Inaugural Poet

"Later I asked Hughley why we're all so invested in the Obamas' relationship, our focus on their "first dance" like that at a wedding. "I know why I am – because I've seen that in my own life, and on the Cosby Show, but I've never seen it represented that way in public life." Confession: I am paraphrasing that, because he was actually interviewing me, and I didn't have a notebook. But that was his point, and I know he's right."

Joan Walsh, Salon Editor in Chief

"People watched the big screen and when Mrs. Obama appeared, there was a roar, and when the Current Occupant and Mr. Cheney came out of the Capitol, a low and heartfelt rumble of booing. Dignified booing. Old black ladies around me tried to shush them -- "Don't do that!" they hissed -- but it's a democracy, and how will those men know how we feel if we don't tell them?"

Garrison Keillor, writer

"Obama arrived in the Oval Office at 8:35 a.m., according to White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs. The president spent 10 minutes alone, reading a note left for him in the desk by outgoing President George W. Bush. The note had been placed in an envelope with a note saying: 'To: # 44, From: # 43.'"

CNN

So it begins.

More Love for Garrison Keillor

From today's column on Salon:

People have lots of questions about Barack Obama and that's as it should be. The man inspires curiosity. The problem for McCain is that Barack explains himself so well. Those people jamming basketball arenas aren't going there to look at his shoes. If you listen to the man speak, you're likely to vote for him. If you listen to McCain, you're reminded of your great-uncle Elmer hashing over the injustice of MacArthur getting canned by Harry Truman. Who cares?

And then there is the Current Occupant. He's kept quiet for a while, cutting brush, playing speed golf, treadmilling, but he's bound to emerge in the fall, make a speech, issue a statement, do something, and this will not be good for McCain.

America has paid a terrible price for one family's decision to take a boy out of the public schools of Midland, Texas, and send him off to Chutney or Amway or whatever his prep school was called, and then to Yale, where he picked up a permanent grudge against people who were smarter than he. A Yalie who learned to pass for redneck, a Methodist who learned to pass for evangelical, he was cut out for politics, but what a lousy administrator and what a dull, uninspiring leader. Fewer people want more bushiness than want to see the return of infantile paralysis. And the truth is marching on.

Nailed It

I don't know how ya''ll feel about Garrison Keillor, but I have a bit of a soft spot for the man. I don't know if it is the odd grate of his yet-still soothing voice, or his white knuckled grip on things that many of us no longer even realize we miss, such as radio shows. Maybe it is that I was granted the oh-so-coveted (in my mind) spot of attending a local college football game with my favorite teacher the year after I was in his class and he listened to NPR and Prairie Home Companion on the drive back that evening. No matter, Keillor's  quiet observations often wow me.

As did this column he wrote for Salon today:

www.salon.com/opinion/keillor/2008/07/02/little_league/