Normally I don't post from home because frankly I spend enough time in front of the computer at work everyday, but today I arrived home and within the days' mail was a wedding announcement from my cousin. It was addressed to the X's. I will give you a moment while you figure out what is wrong with that.
Everybody got it? Yep, I didn't change my last name when the husband and I married. There is no Mrs. in the house. I am a MS.!!!! When I got the wedding announcement from this cousin and his prospective bride, I was cool, they didn't know. So I sent a note, with my full name on the return address. The wedding present I ordered from Target came from me, my credit card, again with my full name on the packing slip. And yet, it still hasn't sunk in.
Listen, I am not such a feminist nazi that I can't cut people some slack. I try to smile at the old people who think my son is a girl because he doesn't have a crew cut. I give people one shot to get my name wrong before I expect them to correct themselves on the assumption that I blissfully turned my back on the name that took me through college, grad school, the first five years of my career and the first 29 years of my life. This is, after all, the 21st century folks. Shouldn't we be asking about these things by now and not ASSUMING? And I do assume that if you are family you might catch on to this a bit quicker, especially if the person is themselves under the age of 30.
But then people still think it is appropriate to sound saddened when a woman over 30 tells them she isn't married or to give the same reaction to a married woman over 40 who doesn't have kids. Sometimes these are choices people, not cruel twists of fate. And if by chance they are cruel twists of fate, well here is some lemon juice that you can pour on that wound that you just stabbed repeatedly. Dear God they should be teaching etiquette and manners in school nowadays.
Don't assume people, or as my least favorite boss used to be oh-so fond of telling me "You make an ass of you and me."
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3 comments:
I think people are mostly clueless until that giant concrete block beans them on the head.
As someone living outside traditional marriage, there are many things about this fine institution that seem puzzling and anachronistic here in the 21st century. Taking the man's last name is one. Why? Sure, if yours was goofy to start, sure, take his. But otherwise, it's a sign of surrendering your own identity.
And the lovely bride walking down the aisle, veiled and "virginal" in white, presented to the groom who stands at the altar--what's that all about? I think lots of women still buy into that princess mindset. This is "their day." What, only one day of your life you feel special? And what about the poor groom? Suddenly he's rendered a mere prop. If we're talking equality, why do the brides get all the attention? Hmmmm? Most brides have no clue that they're being symbolically offered up as property.
It goes on from there. Kudos to you for keeping your name and kudos to Joe for recognizing your wonderful feisty-ness. Your cousin is simply blinded by white satin and bird seed.
though i took the hubs last name (it was less common and moved me up further in the alphabet) i don't have a problem w/ women keeping their's. perhaps if i'd have felt a stronger family bond and pride i would have kept mine. i think the whole wedding ceremony is incredibly over rated and antiquated.
Arrgh. Frustrated on your behalf. Particularly since it's YOUR cousin ... your own family should know better.
Sometimes I think we should just go back to first names, all the time. No matter what last-name setup you choose, you have to explain/defend yourself and it's a pain in the neck. I know I am in for a lifetime of headaches because of my complicated name situation, but it's either that or heartaches from a lifetime of being Mrs. John Smith, which is just not me. So, I choose headaches.
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